laurelblossom

Be careful what you wish for. I've always said I'd rather lose my eyesight than my hearing - I'm in good company, because so said also Millay and Montaigne.

But, I didn't imagine God would listen. I'm lucky, however. I have macular degeneration in both eyes, but as of about 2 weeks ago, the right eye went from "dry" to "wet." Wet is worse, but treatable. Dry AMD (Age-related Macular Degeneration) consists of an accumulation of cottage-cheese like clumps in the eye, called dreusen (spelling may not be correct). Wet AMD happens when abnormal blood vessels grow into the retina, lifting the macula away from the back of the eye. In addition, these blood vessels are weak and fragile, and they leak. The end result is that you go blind in the middle of your eye or eyes, making it difficult to impossible to read, drive, see faces or anything else directly in front of you. Once one eye goes, it is more likely the other will also.

But it can be treated - with a cancer drug that shrinks the blood vessels and stops them from leaking. I got my first treatment last Thursday. First, of course, they have to shine these really bright, bright lights in your eyes to determine the condition of the macula. I would not make a good torture victim. I'd tell them anything as soon as they threatened me with those bright lights. Then, for the treatment, they shoot the drug into the eye with a NEEDLE.

It sounds worse than it is, to tell the truth. They numb the eye, first, and cleanse it. Then they clamp it open. The needle is so thin and so close to the eyeball you can't really see it. But the IDEA is the thing. I'm sure my blood pressure went through the sky. I was told not to swim for four days afterwards, while I was on anti-biotic drops, and not to rub my eye. Not easy for me, either thing.

I'm fine. But I have to have this treatment once a month for the foreseeable future. If anyone has experience with this condition, I certainly would be grateful for advice and counsel. I do all the things I'm supposed to do. I take Lutein, I eat eggs and leafy green vegetables. I exercise. I get plenty of sleep. I eat a low-salt diet. But I'll tell you, I think there is a connection between all my ailments, and I'll tell you what it is.

There is a protein released by the brain, called luteinizing protein. It helps in the manufacture of testosterone, and testosterone (along with estrogen) helps strengthen bones. I have low testosterone levels and a condition they are now medicalizing as osteopenia, precursor to osteoarthritis. Osteocalcin, on the other hand, is a protein produced by the bone cells that inhibits, or regulates, production of testosterone. I bet I have higher levels of osteocalcin and lower levels of luteinizing hormone. The low lutein levels could explain my macular degeneration, perhaps. Of course, they've only done studies in mice, which resemble the systems in male humans. The systems of female humans work differently, and they haven't studied those, of course. So only time will tell. if I ask to be tested for these two proteins, can that even be done?

Plus, Nadal lost to Djokovic in the "epic final" of the Australian Open - the longest Grand Slam singles final in the history of pro tennis in the open era, 5-7, 6-4, 6-2, 6-7 (5), 7-5. Poor Rafa. I wish I'd seen it, but, then again, I'm glad I didn't. It makes me sad. I was never sad when Nadal beat Federer, or vice versa, because they were such fine rivals. That rivalry seems to be past now. They were gentlemen. They took the game for what it is, even though they were always intensely earnest. They kept their sense of proportion, grace, and humor. But Djokovic, I dunno. There's something about him. Ripping his shirt open, the primal scream. So unseemly! So naked! I wonder if he had an erection. (Bobby Darin used to get an erection when he sang.) But then, I'm a prude. I didn't like Elvis either, or Mick Jagger, at the time.

My manuscript, whose name has changed several times as I revised it, and continue to revise, reached the finals in the National Poetry Series for 2011.

Getting closer to publication by the process of elimination! That's the way Jason Shinder used to think about rejection - so helpful. If you don't know Jason's poems, especially Among Women and Stupid Hope, do not walk, run, to your nearest bookstore or online.

Spent the month of October in California visiting my daughter and her family. Rented a studio through Vacation Rentals by Owner (vrbo.com), which I highly recommend. Wrote and swam almost every day. Discovered two important things: (1) as much as I love visiting, I would not want to live in California, and (2) I do not have to see my adorable grandchildren every single day in order to be happy! Not (as I had thought it would be) absolutely without question ridiculously obviously necessary.

I'm going to try to be more present on this blog with news and info. I'm going to try to be a better person.

Until then ... Happy 2012! May we all, and I do mean all, find peace and prosperity in the days ahead.

Re-elect Obama! Please!

Since December? Can't believe it.

My new book-length manuscript has been a finalist in two contests: 2010 Marie Alexander Prize from White Pine Press and 2011 South Carolina Poetry Initiative Poetry Book Contest, judged by Nikki Finney.

So don't give up!

On the way home from a party on 4th of July, we saw a branch in the middle of the road with two brown leaves sticking up in the air. As we got closer, we realized the leaves were the little heads of two caramel kittens. When we stopped the car, they came running. Six weeks old and abandoned on the road. This happens all the time down here. We had picked up another kitten a year or two before, and found him also right in the middle of the road, on the yellow strip. Do they think they're safe there? More likely to be seen? Risky business.

We brought the kittens home, named them Julio for the 4th of July and Frankie for his ole' blue eyes. Friends of ours in town happened to be looking for two kittens to train up as mousers, so Julio and Frankie have found a happy home. We're babysitting for them at the moment, for a week while our friends are away. If somebody will tell me how to upload photos onto this thing, I'll post one. They're really cute.

Stakey Flythe has a wonderful poem in the August 8 issue of The New Yorker. He is a fine poet who lives in North Augusta and deserves to be better known. Jessica Greenbaum, who is the daughter of friends here in Augusta, also has appeared in The New Yorker and elsewhere. Keep an eye out for her. Sarah Gridley, in Cleveland, is the daughter of friends, too - that is not the criterion for inclusion here, but she is doing interesting work.

The heat has abated a bit. A fearsome summer in every way. For enlightenmnet, read The World Without Us. For delight, listen to Jonathon Schwartz on WNYC or SiriusXM Channel 4, 12-3 Monday-Saturday, 12-4 on Sunday.

Happy late summer days.

It's snowing!

This marks twice in two years that it has snowed where we are. Last year it snowed in February, but we missed it - or, I should say, we drove through it on our way to Florida! We didn't see it lying on the ground at home, except in the newspaper photo that came out the following week. That's what it's like here, it snows so rarely, and the town is so small that snow, especially snow that sticks long enough to be photographed, makes headlines!

Happy New Year to everyone. I'm personally thrilled that the President has had three major successes in the lame duck Congress: the tax/unemployment insurance legislation. the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," and the New Start Treaty ratification. Quite a spectacular close to a dismal year!

So let's hope 2011 will continue on the upswing. The South is behind the curve in economic terms: things are about at their worst right now. But the rest of the country seems to be reviving a bit, so I'm hopeful that we'll follow suit come summer.

Have a wonderful holiday and a fine, productive, safe and healthy year ahead!

I put out a laundry line this summer. It reminds me of Italy, where we had a laundry line outside our house in the mountains above Umbertide, in Umbria, for six weeks in 1988. So long ago, and we always vowed we'd go back.

Our house here is like that house. Secluded. Like the writer's retreat we always wanted. Except we have to keep it up, of course. A big job.

But it's worth it. Every day brings something wonderful. I mean it.

The other day I was out on the deck that overlooks the stream. I looked up at a noise I heard below: a fawn standing on the rocks in the middle of the stream. His ears perked up when he saw me. We looked at each other for a moment or two. Then I said hello, which I immediately regretted because it frightened him away. He ran up the hill on the other side, into the woods. It made me laugh.

Today, after a rain last night, raindrops hanging on the laundry line to dry.

The laundry line makes me happy. I put out the sheets and towels. It saves energy because I'm not using the dryer. The sheets and towels blow in the wind when there is a wind, and dry in the sunshine. They smell like summer. We didn't have a laundry line when I was a child, but somehow it reminds me of my childhood. Just the 1950s, I suppose. So much simpler, we always think.

That's why we moved here. To simplify. It's taken us almost seven years, but I think we've done it. I love summer.

Several years ago, when Louis and I were driving west to Louisiana, cotton blew across the road like snow.

It almost never snows here, though two weeks ago, while we were away, neighbors reported six inches. Yesterday, it was coming down in large, lovely, fluffy flakes.

I said to Louis, If cotton fell from the sky, this is what it would look like. Enchanting.

Snow like cotton, cotton like snow.

The robins have arrived! They are swarming the holly tree. Spring - which feels far away if you pay attention to the wind and cold - is just around the corner. I can't wait!